I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
only you would photoshop your dick
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
