Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
