My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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