just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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