I can tuck mytits in my pants
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
