So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just pee around me
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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