I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
