There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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