we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
