do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
