You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
being pregnant is like rehab
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
