Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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