There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
bring money and cleavage
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
