sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
