So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
she looked like the before picture.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
