I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
