This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
