She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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