"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Sober January is a disaster.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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