I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
