Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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