So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
