I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
