Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
someone owes me an orgasm
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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