ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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