my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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