doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
