I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
