evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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