So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
