I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
