I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
