thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
