Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
