I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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