The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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