last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
