i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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