I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
