my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
