I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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