College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
