Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
