around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
