Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
