For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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