...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
