no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
If I die, sorry about rent.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
