He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
