I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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