I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
