I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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