Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I want to fling myself into the sun
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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