I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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