were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
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It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
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according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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