i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
