i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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