If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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