This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
