i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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