I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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