I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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