I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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