I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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