I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
