nut hugger
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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