the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
