sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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