Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
