i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
