Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
