Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
