I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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