I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
