I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
