so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
