she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
