Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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