just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
