I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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