New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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