i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
