i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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