is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
