Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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