I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
