i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
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To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
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I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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