I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
