hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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